Change? Perhaps?

Saturday, August 12, 2017 Life , Miscellaneous 0 Comments

A word of caution: you might find this post unorganized and in a whole cloud of messy thoughts with much ramblings.

Hello! No, I'm still alive. I can't seem to put aside time for writing as I used to in the past; just because I felt that my priorities has changed. But, I honestly still enjoy writing from time to time because it allows me to express my inner introvert or maybe that lil' artsy side of me.

So, I was just telling one of my closer friend about how I've kinda rapidly changed and it scares me a little inside. Deep down I felt my inner child screaming: "oy! hold ye horses lady!" because I felt that one part of me really want to prepare myself into the workforce and world and the other part of me still wants to be that me - that me that is forever eccentric, expressive and playful (oh, trust me. if you think I'm bad, now, I used to be worse!), that me that has my own way of doing things that are NOT MAINSTREAM.

Oh yes, I hate (oh scratch that. hate is maybe a bit too strong.) dislike being the usual mainstream next-door-person that does thing which, sometimes ends up quite disastrous. Really. For example, I've always thought being point blank at everything usually works but.. apparently, not. I definitely need to fine tune it and find the right balance. And, I think I really got to placate both my emotions and logic. These two *facepalm* they can almost never coincide at almost anything - like asymptotes in graphs. (oh-er..... you can probably ignore how I sometime describe things)

So, I told her that I think I seriously need to put in more thoughts before saying what my brain comes out; especially to people whom I've recently gotten acquainted with. I felt that it is so important because it inadvertently affects the way I speak during work and it might send off a wrong vibe? Or it might give off the wrong impression? So much things I really want to work in myself at this point in time! Or suppose... like what one of my cell member said: "CLEO STOP OVERTHINKING THINGS."


Moving on, these days, I felt the responsibility of growing up pressing on me quite a bit. I'm concern over a myriad issues - family, career, my own future. Yes, I felt that my future is so important to me. I really want to have a stable career so that I'll be able to provide for myself, buy little luxuries with my own blood,sweat and tears and of course be able to do things that I really really love (anything 2-wheeled and the great outdoors come hand in hand! *wink*). But of course, at the moment I am very fortunate to have a roof to live in, and of course very very fortunate to be able to have a dad that is supportive of what I love doing. But ultimately I hope to be able to support myself and also give back to them. Anyway, less soapy stuff and next point!

I've decided to compile things that I can work on at the moment for a better and also less stressful self:

1. Be less playful, especially work and new acquaintance.
2. Put more thoughts before I speak.
3. Be more DECISIVE!
4. Be more attentive to my surroundings
5. Be a lil easier on myself and stop overthinking 
6. Be a lil less concern for others that doesn't deserve your time or you as a person
7. Knowing ultimately how to cheat your way through the sometimes unforgiving world.

Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.” (Matthew 10:16)

Lastly, a reminder to the emotion department of me; don't forget to add a lil pizzazz at the end of everything - like a lil' twinkle in your eyes and maybe some good dose of yummy alcohol. Never forget that balance is the key because ultimately, life still, is short.

Wishing both myself and the future the very best,