Well, time certainly flies. I've graduated from university and am facing a different phase in life, now. The cliché statement that many people say about time is certainly true here. Life is moving too fast, too fast for me to be comfortable right now. Looking back at things, I can definitely say that I've matured much more than I was 4 years ago in every aspect of life, which is a good thing, perhaps for a better me, a better future.
There are some days when emotions and feelings blurs the boundary of what's right and wrong. And as a consequence, my pragmatic self tells me that I've made the wrong choice and that my actions are wrong. That's when conscience comes in and tell me that it's time to apologize.... I think for me, it's hard sometimes and my emotions and logic will always, constantly try to override each other. Battling each other at some point in time but I know for sure that the practical side of me will surface one day and slap the reality out of me.
But anyway, I've recently gotten back my habit of writing but this time it's more about writing my thoughts and feelings out.... I've been writing them in my little "book of thoughts" ( some, which I am not comfortable for public viewing), especially when I feel sad or down. For me, sometime it helps me to allow my thoughts to flow and to stop myself from feeling terrible about things that has already happened; things that go against my morality and how I should present myself and treat others.
Since most of that I've managed to solve and satisfy, I'm now faced with a bigger obstacle in life. Securing my future (or at least working towards my ideal life; my career, necessity, goals, and wants in life). For the past few days, I've been deep in thoughts, weighing the pros and cons of the decision that I'm about to make since whatever decision I make can give a different outcome... It's definitely never easy but I'm working with baby steps at a time and trying to tailor myself to ultimately land in a place for a better quality of life.
Well, I also want to say that at some point in time we all feel insecure, because we are unsure of the future that lies ahead. There's no clear path and consequently that leads to all of our strange unexplained and unjustifiable feelings. We might think that this strange mixed feeling of unknown is perhaps due to the fact that we just fall out of our relationship, or perhaps we fear of being alone, the job we are having right now sucks, how can I earn enough to sustain myself of my wants and need? It maybe a multitude of things but let me tell you this that we are certainly not alone.
My peers, my close friends are also experiencing this 'strange feeling' and well, I thought that it was only me, that I'm the only one feeling this because I don't have a job or etc. But the truth is that, we will all feel it, maybe not now but later we will. Both my friends already have what they needed - education, job, stable relationship, etc. I thought it was already pretty much perfect - but they feel the same as I do as well. So I came with the conclusion that it's a normal feeling to have at some point in time because of the uncertainties of what lies ahead in the future.
Sometimes, all you need is a friend to talk to. Or perhaps some me-time to unwind your feelings, or a temporary relief from the crazy hustle and bustle in life (but don't forget to come back to reality and face those seemingly monster problems you have). Just remember that God will always give you problems that you can solve so that you can be a stronger person. Oh, that, I should give credits to my good friend Jeremy, who quoted it. It may seem terrible in the moment but trust me, no matter which stage of life you are at or in what point in life, there will always be problems that you think you cannot solve. I may not have been at points where I have no job and no money (I've had friends that talked to me about this in the past and it's definitely not fun) but I've definitely heard enough and seen enough in life to know that it's temporary..... For me, I'll have my faith in God and trust that He will provide and give me all that I need in life...
We're in this together,